"When some one asks 'how are you?' dont start off with your life's problems. it s a conversation starter and people are not really bothered about your problems"... said something i once read on how to be popular or something to that effect. Well yes, a stranger or a casual acquaintance starts a conversation, we all put up a happy face and make small talk. whether its your neighbor's divorce or the global financial crisis..its all just about making conversation. most of the times at least. and this does make most of us, good conversationalists. help us develop good people skills.

and then we try to improve those skills. so we smile harder. and make more small talk about more important issues. and then, somewhere along the line we get into the habit. of smiling. and making small talk.

if something bothers us, retreat into a corner, take a few deep breaths, men smoke, women dab-on more make up [ and smoke ] and smile. we go out and act according to our habits. we smile.

"its not apt to discuss my family problems at work" , "she will just judge me if i tell her this", "its none of his business..he doesnt really care", "she wont understand..she'll just over react n get hurt".."i cant tell this to anyone" and many more such sentences run through our heads and we train ourselves to hide our tears, our pain, our problems and keep moving on with life. with a brave face and a sparkling, charming smile. good people skills. and thats how the world sees us. happy, successful, rising, intelligent young executives or models or name who you will.

soon, our colleagues, friends and family start falling into the same set. outside the circle of our feelings. and we start getting lonelier and lonelier. avoiding calling our friends when we're upset, a contrast from the school days wen we wud run to them at every possible occassion...an even bigger contrast from wen running to mom for crying made everything all right. in this exponential growth curve, we stop giving ourselves time to deal with our emotions. and the worst affected of these, is pain. we just refuse to deal with it. its just a waste of time when there's so much to be done.

why is it easier to blog our innermost thoughts on the net than sharing our problems with our closest friends. are we scared of being judged? perhaps. scared of losing / hurting our friends? possibly. why has anonymity become more comforting than the arms of a loved one?

most of all i think its our obsession with meeting everyone's expectations. everyone wants us to be happy, expects us to be happy, and we oblige. its just so much easier than breaking everyone's perceptions and asking them, as well as ourselves, to face reality. the moment something happens everyone asks u to look at the bright side and move on. why can't we just stop for sometime and grieve. because its easier to pretend that pain doesn't exist.

a drag is easier than having to deal with tears. and pain. besides, it helps you network doesnt it?! helps you climb the next rung. and as we busy ourselves climbing the ladder, something inside us keeps worsening. bottled up pain that never got the treatment it needed. a good heart's crying. a night getting sloshed up with friends. a grieving period. the running to mom/dad to cry in her/his arms. the feeling "safe". protected. loved.

and then, one day some one famous and successful kills themselves. we read the morning paper and wonder why.."she had evthg going for her....wonder what could have been so terribly wrong"...and with that one statement we get back to running for our lives. we don't stop for a moment and listen to that voice in our heads that tells us "stay. dont move. you are hurt too. give me some time and I will make it allright". we are too worried we might miss the next opportunity to climb the ladder.

the ladder to loneliness and false perceptions. perceptions of ever cheerful successful smiling faces. perceptions of happiness. the ladder to emptiness.