All in a Call

I am a humble IT professional. One of the millions in this country, earning my bread and butter (low-fat mind you!) by making applications that, I doubt hardly anyone uses, I am pretty sure no one needs and I can bet absolutely no one, including me, understands.

But well..you gotta eat!! And as long as some whimsical old man sitting at the other end of the world who thinks he knows what he wants, is willing to pay... whats the harm in shoving down utterly complicated entirely useless applications down the wannabe-Hi-Tech users' throats ;)

and that brings me to the protagonist of this entire drama called, IT service outsourcing...The whimsical old man sitting the other end of the world, who thinks he knows what he wants. For the benefit of the lesser enlightened, this species is called, in our world, The Client.

No, that's not another Jeffrey Archer or Frederick whats-his-name work. The Client is, to say the least, God in our world. We do all we need to, to please him...no..not THAT all!!!! More like managing ensuring the product is in conformance to the ever changing requirements, without losing that sparkling smile. Not that he can see that smile, since most, no , all of the client meetings happen over voice conference calls, but you know what I mean... no noise in the background giving the impression that you are in vacuum, a cheerful active alert voice, even if you just woke upand felt all grumpy..well you get the idea!!

so seeing that my scarce bread and low fat butter would depend upon a perfect call made to God Himself, I would do all in my power to make sure that it went right. Right? Wrong! Me, being the quintessetially lazy bonehead...am bound to differ!!

So on a Friday evening, as I coolly clicked the accept button at a meeting request for Sunday evening, 7:30, (You can't refuse God can you!!) ...I thought , "Oh what the hell!! Its just a half hr call..I'll take it from home. What could possibly go wrong.." and with this, I set an alarm for Sunday evening 7:15, picked up my car keys and headed home for a relatively work free weekend...

Flash forward..Sunday 7:20

7:20 PM
"oh what the hell!! why is this stupid thing (my cell phone alarm) ringing...oh shit!! I have a call in 10 min. I had to prepare the agenda... oh ****(very un-lady-like)!!! ", I jumped out of my bed ( I had been enjoying a heavenly slumber!) and took out my laptop bag, hurriedly switched it on, "oh what! where! wh-oh GOD!!! CRAP!!! I can't believe I left my headphones in the office!! ****(highly un-lady-like)!! Hey! Yo! "(that's how I usually call my sister when I want a quick response),

"WHAT!!!!!" she bellowed back!

7:22 PM
Me: "we had a spare set of headphones didn't we??!! I need it!! I have a call in 8 minutes!!!"
Her: "second drawer study table. Get it yourself!"

It was out of its resting and plugged in before you can say flash! I was all set, (whew!) oh no wait! "wh---now what!!!! why is this net not working?! HEYY!!! "
"WHAT??????"
"The net isn't working"
"Well what am I supposed to do!! give it a minute, not your office leased line high speed connection!!!"
(sigh)...."And for GOD's sakestop tapping your feet and drumming your fingers on the table!! Im trying to study!"

7:25 PM
By now I was furiously battling the net wire and modem..
"Stop! STop! STOP!!! you'll break the bloddy modem!! ...try connecting to the desktop maybe some settings problem with your laptop "
Ah! my sister could be such heaven-sent at times!!

I plugged in the desktop, the headphones and pressed the boot button..

7:28 PM
"3 minutes!! this freaky machine takes 3 mintues to boot!!" I was on the verge of screaming out
"Di!!! its a 8 yr old machine..have mercy on the poor thing for God's sake!"
..."I dont know why she always has to wait till the last minute to get things done"...I ignored her muttering

7:30 PM
finally, the machine started, the net got connected and I was plugged in to the headphones, just in the nick of time

(incoming call)..
"Hello!"
"Hello! Hi Shipra..you there??"
"Hi Yes. I am..Hi"
"Hello! Hi Shipra..you there??"
"HELLO!! HELLLLLO!! yes I am...oh what now!!---"

and my heaven-sent sister walked back in.. "Hey Di!! By the way, did I tell you the mic socket doesn't work in the Desktop"

I looked at her, then at the desktop and then inwardly screamed ...**************************************** (completely unimmaginably un-lady-like ) I then realised I had always underestimated my verbal abusing powers....

7:35 PM
(my cell phone rings, international number)..
"Hello!" , I said, trying to sound as calm and cheerful as I could under the storm
"Hello! Hi Shipra..you there??"
"Hello Yes. Hi ..I am sorry, a bit of a trouble, my mic doesn't seem to be working",
"Oh. Ok, let's just have a quick chat over the phone allright?"
"Sure"...

8:00 PM
the call was going on with no plans of ending in near future...
"Hey Shipra..do you think you want to retry your mic"
(Oh GODD!!!) "Well actually, I did..but..."
"Oh ok"
(blip!) I couldn't believe this!! my sturdy Nokida handset with a talktime of 2 days (my usage) was going low on battery
"blah blah blah..."
Blip! Blip! "pfffffffffffff. now what!!"
"Shipra!! Are you listening???"
"Yes Yes...sorry, I am really sorry, my cell seems to be dying...can I call you back?"
"Oh ok. No, if you don't mind, is there a landline number I can call you on? "
"Ofcourse! Sure! umm its..." ,(how stupid can I be! I hate this cell phone culture!)
"Dad!!", I hissed, "whats our landline number?"
(To client): "Umm, Hi, sorry, its ********"
landline rings...
"Hi!! I am sorry abt this...just seem to be having a...hello?? hello!!"
"HELLO!! SHIPRA I AM SORRY, BUT THERE'S TOO MUCH DI"...(beep beep beep)

8:10 PM
cell phone again...
"Hello"
"Hello! Shipra there was too much disturbance in the line. I could nt hear you. Is there any other number?"
(and for the first time in my life I thanked God that my dad is such a phone freak!)
"ofcourse!!"
"Dad!!", I hissed again, "Whats our other number?" (Man I need to spend more time at home!!)
'Hi , its *******"

8:18 PM

landline 2 rings...
"Hello"
"Hello. Hi, yes this is much better"
....
8:30 PM

"blah blah blah...."
"(OH GoDD!!!!!!!!!) I dont belive this...now my laptop is dying. How can this stupid thing....oh shit! I forgot to charge it last night when I was surfing...pfffffff" "HEY!!!", I let out a stifled scream to my heaven-sent sister, "get my laptop charger!"
Poor girl, she let the opportunity to torment me further pass by and tried to plug my charger in
"ok?"
"blah blah blah..."
"no it isn't charging, try the other socket", ----" nothing!! try the extension" --- the entire electrical machinery in my house seemed to be breaking down suddenly,
"blah blah blah..."
"the sockets are fine..its your laptop charger, its broken!!"
....and with these final words the full intensity of Murphy's law started to sink in...
"Shipra you still there?"
"Yes Yes!! ofc-----"
"Oh Thank God!! I thought I lost you again"...
I tried to laugh.."No no, I am here. Though there do---."
"Oh good, because we really need to finish this today!"
I had spent 1 hour on a call that had been scheduled for half an hr, and still we hadn't covered 1 sheet of the 11 sheet document, I was so close to tears I didn't know what to do except pray.. so pray I did
"blah blah blah...."
promising God I'd never be this careless again...
and suddenly, I heard a magical voice ringing in the background...
"honey, we are getting late for dinner" , that was my client's wife..I had never felt this happy on hearing another woman's voice in my life!

"Shipra..I am sorry, but can we continue tomorrow"
"Ofcourse! no problem!! whatever suits you!"

I f***** up God's own call!! I think I better start looking elsewhere for my noodles..err..I mean ...bread and no-butter-at-all