"...Do you ever get tired of being who you are?I mean seriously, do you ever wonder what would it be like to be someone different...no i dont mean a celebrity, or a personal ideal or the one you are jealous of (oh yes you do!! you want to be just like someone you are jealous of!you wish all the time!!)....although all of these would also qualify for this context, i dont mean some other person at all....not like someone else, just different from who you are...and just to make things a tad more complicated, im not talking of self improvements, interospection and all that psychological jargon either, coz what is normal and acceptable is also relative to our sorroundings, to others arround us...

So here's what we have so far, you can't be your favorite celebrity, your ideal, your envy not even your better self, just different!! Do you ever want to be something different, as you??"

"God Shipra!!! you're crazy!! please stop driving me nuts!!"

and hence my friend brushed me off...I guess more than being irritated, she took the question as a personal offence. For at that time she was deeply engrossed discussing people with other people, yes yes, gossiping, something she knows I detest greatly,

but then may be a personal offence is how anyone will take it, may be thats how I would take it if I was at the receiving end. Is it because we are so conceited or that we atleast like to put up the facade of conceit....for we know what we lack, but we dont want others to find out.Having others know our weaknesses make us feel vulnerable in front of them and hence scared of being taken for a ride. But then, this fear is not entirely unfounded, people use other people, that why they call it a "jungle" right!! "the survival of the fittest!!" ??? or is it the survival of the one who puts up the best facade, has the maximum layers hiding his weaknesses, can fool the maximum number of people?? why are we then taught things like "good wins over evil"...and "honestly is the best policy" when you actually should excel in getting things done, your way!

But I digress, and greatly so. This article is not meant to be a rhetoric on the world today, I just wish to find out answers to a simple question....do we ever realise if what we think are our weaknesses, are actually our weaknesses or are they hidden strenghts which we keep trying to eliminate by wanting to be someone minus those weaknesses, while our actual weaknesses remain beyond the horizons of acceptance of them, lost forever into the realms of denial.

I have seen people, yes I have this obessessive compulsion disorder of silently observing people, at times with an amused smile, asking awkward questions which almost always offend them and then writing about them!!! but I have seen people making the same mistake repeatedly througout their lives, and cribbing over it, blaming God, destiny, people, the world, even abstract theories, all this just to escape a true introspection, I mean a true one, not where you already know,or think that you know, what went wrong and all your introspection is actually an effort to reinforce a justification of self-exoneration. They never actually find out what went wrong, though I dont know if they do during the last moment of being alive, I hope they don't, or else we would all die with a realisation that came in too late to improve and yet too soon to not leave a regret


But then Who gets to decide what is a weakness anyway....what do you call a weakness, as another crazy...err I mean philosophical friend put it once ..."you have just qualities, it is the context which makes them strengths or weaknesses"...if that is what is it, then what do you call being self aware?? I guess its just about figuring out all your qualities and learning to pick which one, where, how, and how much!!!


but all this is useless, because ultimately aren't we all searching for happiness, and honestly, no!!! honestly!! aren't we the happiest when we are proven right, to ourselves and to others, or perhaps when we can make people admit that they were wrong. isnt there a masochistic pleasure we get is whining because that gives us sympathy and attention?? No no no, the
strong and silent types, so to speak, get even more attention and sympathy by visibly hiding their pain!!! So perhaps what we actually run after is general acknowledgement and admiration of the society, may be because that is our sole parameter of happiness. Validation by others who sorround us, whether it comes as sympathy or admiration or even envy for that matter, (for you envy some one only when you want to be like them and know that you cant be), but a validation nonetheless

So if the self exonerating introspection works everytime in gaining us some more attention, sympathy and acceptance then why even bother for anything else?? why do we need to term anything as weakness or a strength, we just need to figure out all our qualities and learn to pick which one, where, how, and how much will be the most effective in gaining us the attention, sympathy or admiration!!!

any takers???