life

life is weird. We keep living it with certain beliefs , notions and ideas about ourselves, our society , and the people in it. Whether its are our friends, family or the rest of the world ranging from the US president to our local fruit vendor, we have atleast a basic understanding of each. And hence of their actions.Atleast that's what we think.

What we dont know baffles us and with certain exceptions (such as maths in my case), we keep trying to figure it out. If we know atleast the people around us and understand their thoughts and actions, it gives us a sense of deep rooted security. It is this which makes moving to a new home or a job so difficult. You dont know anyone or anything there. You feel unrooted, insecured and alone. But what do you do when without as much as throwing a pebble in the calm waters of a peaceful and harmonious life, things suddenly turn upside down, well metaphorically. I am not talking about sudden deaths or natural calamities that do indeed turn your life upside down, I am talking of things that are more intangible and though I could not possibly undermine the impact of the tangible disastors, these are intangible only by nature, for their impact can be as devastating, or atleast confusing.

As children, our parents are our first ideals, we want to be just like them when we grow up. I remember, well actually my mother does not let me forget, though she remembers it fondly and embarrassingly in front of all our relatives, how I used to put on her makeup and take her bag and pretend that I was going to office , when I was 5, just like her.

And as we grow, we idealize more and more elders around us, our teachers, elder siblings, some relatives. And but for the exception of the teens, when movie, rock, and sports stars dont really leave space for anyone else to be idealized, there are always people around us we admire for some reason or the other. And it is this knowledge which makes us feel that we know the people around us.

But what do you do when you realise the one quality you admired somebody for, was just a facade put up for a great show. What do you do when you realise a person you admired for his unaffectedness, dropped it like a hot brick at the first instant of possible benefit to be attained from shrewdness. Or someone you thought believed in honesty was lying all along. Or someone who loathed quite unequivocally, crafty maneuvers, turn out to be quite adept at using them for short term benefits?

What do you do, when right after you think you have got somebody all figured out, you realise things were wrong from day one? What do you do when life spins completely out of control at the very moment when you thought the sailing was smooth?

You feel lost. and doubtful. of yourself. your judgement. and your own ideas and beliefs. Everything is shaken. But most of all, you doubt if the principles you have set for your own self are correct or not. Perhaps what somebody has done is not wrong, and you are being too impractical and unrealistic.Perhaps what somebody is the right way to do things and it should be, for they are happy aren't they??

You ponder over it for days , weeks, at times even months at end, till it slowly recedes into the background of your mind. Sometimes it changes the way you think, and you adapt in order to survive more successfully, but mostly it vanishes as yet another rock that slowly sank in and the surface became calm again. And though it does at times cause permanent damage to your opinion and perhaps relationship with that person, and make the water bed rockier, you just learn to recuperate from the storm and keep sailing forth. Trying to figure life out, you start all over again. And though you cant predict nor avoid the next storm , whether it should leave you wiser or embittered, is entirely up to you and that is what makes that elusive thing, called happiness , attainable. So happy journey!